Social Media

Makeup Made Me Fat

This is a bit more of a personal post I'm sharing today.  But it's something I wanted to talk about, both to motivate myself, and to hear from others who experience similar problems.  Grab a cup of tea, because even though its a long one, it's an important one too.

I'm someone who fluxuates a lot in weight.  Over the last 5 or so years, I've been anywhere between 124lbs and 153lbs.  I have a bitch of a time keeping the same weight.  I have a love affair with dessert, and a hatred of exercise (which as you can imagine is a lethal combination).

I also struggle a lot with anxiety, and (unfortunately) have become somewhat of a stress eater.  I miss the days where when I got stressed, I would never feel like eating.  But during my time in university, I found myself turning towards chocolate bars and chips more often than carrots or cucumber.  And ultimately, that has been a huge problem for my waistline.

In second year university, I was (un)fortunate enough to get sick quite a bit.  I had my first real flu (I'm talking about lying on the bathroom floor, thinking that this is seriously the end).  And then I had a slew of colds, stomach bugs, and food poisioning scares, all of which resulted in about 20lbs of weight loss.  I was also starting to eat healthier at this point, and reducing how much I ate.  I had another bad habit of mindlessly eating junk food late at night while I was writing essays, stressing about the due date.

So for a few happy seasons, I was skinny.  I had friends and family commenting about my weight, though.  There were comments about me becoming too skinny, about not being healthy and looking so different.  Which was a bit conflicting, because I had never felt better.  I had always been in the mid to high 140's through my teen years, and this was the first time I had felt like I looked really good. But when people start commenting on your weight, it makes you second guess yourself.

It was around this time I turned to makeup.  I started reading beauty blogs, I found Youtube channels like Tanya Burr and Pixiwoo, all of which made me develop a (now very deep) love affair with makeup.  I had been wearing makeup for years at this point, but I never really knew what to do, what to apply, and how to apply it.  This whole new world opened up a million more opportunities.  And I started getting more compliments on my eyes and smile (and makeup as a whole) then I ever had on any of my outfits.

But as I began to experiment more and more with makeup, I also started neglecting other things.  I was wearing less adventurous clothing, opting instead for plain tops and jeans, as opposed to my previously very preppy style.  I began to realize just how transformative makeup could truly be.  Why eat healthy when you can just contour your cheeks?  Why wear printed tops when you could wear a bright red lip instead?

The more I experimented with makeup, the fatter I became.  It's a weird correlation, I know.  But when I become obsessed with something, I tend to neglect other things.  At the time, I would much rather spend my extra time in the mornings doing my hair and makeup then planning my outfit.  The more I began to think about this, the worse the problem became.

Fast forward to January of this year, when I got on the scale for the first time in a long time.  I knew things weren't going to be good, since my favourite jeans were barely doing up, and half my blouses no longer covered my bust.  I had hit a number I never wanted to see again: 141lbs.

Instead of focusing on losing the weight, I just became more self-aware.  I realized how much crap I was eating (I'm looking at you, Starbucks coffee cake), but I didn't have the desire to stop.  Again I had the foolish idea that I could just apply my makeup slightly different; the blush could be more sculptural, bronzer could add more definition.

It wasn't until I began having a lot of stomach problems again that I realized change was needed.  I had come to the realization that beauty could only go so far.

At this point, I'm down 7 lbs again, and back under 140lbs, which is a start, but still a ways off from where I want to be.  Most importantly, this time I'm doing it for myself.  I think that there were a number of contributing factors to the weight gain, but ultimately, I let the opinions of others get in my head, and I'm still coming to grips with that.

I'm nervous (and excited) to share this post with you, because I know that most people do struggle with their weight.  And I'm anticipating the day I step on the scale, see a number I'm happy with, and realize that I've accomplished this trying goal (again).

xoxo K